Mere Cognition

The Bible contains a multitude of warnings on adultery and other forms of sexual immorality. There is good reason for this; even secular sociological and psychological once acknowledged and understood the far reaching damage that can be caused by such acts, both mental and physical. Those that perform these acts are often attempting to fill a void in themselves that they do not quite understand; thus they attempt to do so through poorly-thought and unwise carnal means.

1 My son, be attentive to my wisdom;
    incline your ear to my understanding,
2 that you may keep discretion,
    and your lips may guard knowledge.
3 For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,
    and her speech is smoother than oil,
4 but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
    sharp as a two-edged sword.
5 Her feet go down to death;
    her steps follow the path to Sheol;
6 she does not ponder the path of life;
    her ways wander, and she does not know it.
7 And now, O sons, listen to me,
    and do not depart from the words of my mouth.
8 Keep your way far from her,
    and do not go near the door of her house...

In the book of Matthew, Jesus further expanded the definition of adultery past the physical and into the mental, making it clear that this is not only an issue of misplaced desire, but an issue of the heart:

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 
28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent 
      has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

-- Matthew 5:27-28

I've had conversations with people about this. While I freely admit that I am not immune to adultery in the heart (I believe every last man on earth, with the possible exception of eunuchs, could not truthfully say that they are), I do have some specific guardrails against physical adultery that at least help in ensuring that I have an extra edge of protection against it. Some seem to think that by that, I mean that I don't have to worry about it. By no means is this true.

My parents divorced in my early teens - I caught my father unmistakably in adultery with someone I think he met while on TDY as a DoD civil servant. Apparently someone underestimated my proficiency with computers at even a young age and I accidentally stumbled upon the evidence. This discovery practically devastated me during the hormonal upheaval of puberty - I went so far as to joining the football team with the soul purpose of simply crushing opponents (guess who ended up on the defensive line). This was also the time where I effectively became an atheist.

This single act stuck with me. I vowed to never, ever, do that sort of thing to anyone under the pain of death, and I took it that seriously. While I don't go so far as "to the death" today, I do still keep vigilant watch for it. I have a couple of examples that make this abundantly clear.

One that I am not proud of but nonetheless admit to and own, happened in my early 20's when I was dating a girl. We were at a friend's apartment for a get together. Everyone was consuming alcohol and I had my usual more-than-fair-share. At some point, I ended up upstairs, I think it was to use one of the restrooms. I ended up talking with people and eventually everyone dispersed except this one girl, who attempted to "woo" me, for lack of a better term. I remember gently rebuffing it until she started physically touching me, whereupon I grabbed her, dragged her downstairs to the host, and told him something like, "if she comes within ten feet of me the rest of the night I will show her how serious I am about not cheating." I'm not proud of that sort of conduct, but it did get the point across quickly, decisively, and without further incident.

The other one happened in my mid-20s, within a group of hockey friends. There was a husband and wife pair that were good friends - we all spent a lot of time together at hockey games (both pro and amateur as the husband and I were beer league players), get togethers, and other random functions. Needless to say there was a lot of interaction between all the members of that group, bound by the love of hockey. The wife of this pair also happened to be my age and did marching band / winter guard in high school, so we'd often talk about that. Come to find out, we both had actually performed at some of the same competitions in Georgia. So naturally, we found a common band thing to nerd out on. The relationship was strictly platonic, neither of us flirted with the other, and we were never around each other without the husband also being there or nearby. Eventually, at some point, the two of them separated and divorced. Playing in a hockey game with each other at a later point (on the same team, too!), he confided in me that he actually thought she was cheating on him with me. We had a heart to heart over some beers and I explained to him why that would never, ever, happen, especially since they were married. After that, he confided that this wasn't the reason for the split, though he did wonder about it for a long while.

The above won't necessarily convince anyone that I have an extra guardrails around physical adultery, though I hope it does evidence that I don't just simply think I'm immune to it because of my adolescent experiences. On the contrary, it heightens my awareness, sharpens my perception, and reminds me to never let my guard down. I am not certain I've ever recounted the two stories above to more than a couple of people, so it is sort of cathartic to simply recount them in a public forum for anyone to stumble upon. I'm trying to become more open, judiciously. I've been an introvert with innate suspicion of others' motives my whole life but I think it's time to relax that a bit while still staying frosty.

May God have mercy on all of us for our past transgressions as we look to Him and His promises realized through Christ. Be blessed.

I'm starting to think I should just change this study to Matthew Henry's Commentary on Proverbs with how often I'm looking toward his words. They're pertinent however, so it seems prudent to stand on them.

When the things of God are to be taught precept must be upon precept, and line upon line, not only because the things themselves are of great worth and weight, but because men's minds, at the best, are unapt to admit them and commonly prejudiced against them; and therefore Solomon, in this chapter, with a great variety of expression and a pleasant powerful flood of divine eloquence, inculcates the same things that he had pressed upon us in the foregoing chapters. Here is an earnest exhortation to the study of wisdom, that is, of true religion and godliness, borrowed from the good instructions which his father gave him, and enforced with many considerable arguments.

1 Hear, O sons, a father's instruction,
    and be attentive, that you may gain insight,
2 for I give you good precepts;
    do not forsake my teaching.
3 When I was a son with my father,
    tender, the only one in the sight of my mother,
4 he taught me and said to me,
    "Let your heart hold fast my words;
    keep my commandments, and live."

The invitation which Solomon gives to his children to come and receive instruction from him (Proverbs 4:1-2): Hear, you children, the instruction of a father. That is, “Let my own children, in the first place, receive and give good heed to those instructions which I set down for the use of others also.” Note, Magistrates and ministers, who are entrusted with the direction of larger societies, are concerned to take a more than ordinary care for the good instruction of their own families; from this duty their public work will by no means excuse them. This charity must begin at home, though it must not end there; for he that has not his children in subjection with all gravity, and does not take pains in their good education, how shall he do his duty as he ought to the church of God? (1 Tim 3:4-5). The children of those that are eminent for wisdom and public usefulness ought to improve in knowledge and grace in proportion to the advantages they derive from their relation to such parents. Yet it may be observed, to save both the credit and the comfort of those parents whose children do not answer the hopes that arose from their education, that Rehoboam, the son of Solomon, was far from being either one of the wisest or one of the best. We have reason to think that thousands have got more good by Solomon's proverbs than his own son did, to whom they seem to have been dedicated.

The book of Proverbs begins by reiterating to us that we are to live in communion with God, with regard to his decrees and precepts. We must trust in the Lord and as Romans 8:28 reminds us, that all things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to his purpose.

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes;
    fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your flesh
    and refreshment to your bones.

I once again lean on Matthew Henry to provide exposition on the above verses from Proverbs 3.

We must have a continual regard to God's providence, must own and depend upon it in all our affairs, both by faith and prayer.

1. By faith. We must repose an entire confidence in the wisdom, power, and goodness of God, assuring ourselves of the extent of his providence to all the creatures and all their actions. We must therefore trust in the Lord with all our hearts; we must believe that he is able to do what he will, wise to do what is best, and good, according to his promise, to do what is best for us, if we love him, and serve him. We must, with an entire submission and satisfaction, depend upon him to perform all things for us, and not lean to our own understanding, as if we could, by any forecast of our own, without God, help ourselves, and bring our affairs to a good issue. Those who know themselves cannot but find their own understanding to be a broken reed, which, if they lean to, will certainly fail them. In all our conduct we must be diffident of our own judgment, and confident of God's wisdom, power, and goodness, and therefore must follow Providence and not force it. That often proves best which was least our own doing.
2. By prayer: In all thy ways acknowledge God. We must not only in our judgment believe that there is an over-ruling hand of God ordering and disposing of us and all our affairs, but we must solemnly own it, and address ourselves to him accordingly. We must ask his leave, and not design any thing but what we are sure is lawful. We must ask his advice and beg direction from him, not only when the case is difficult (when we know not what to do, no thanks to us that we have our eyes up to him), but in every case, be it ever so plain, We must ask success of him, as those who know the race is not to the swift. We must refer ourselves to him as one from whom our judgment proceeds, and patiently, and with a holy indifferency, wait his award. In all our ways that prove direct, and fair, and pleasant, in which we gain our point to our satisfaction, we must acknowledge God with thankfulness. In all our ways that prove cross and uncomfortable, and that are hedged up with thorns, we must acknowledge God with submission.

We must live in a humble and dutiful subjection to God and his government: “Fear the Lord, as your sovereign Lord and Master; be ruled in every thing by your religion and subject to the divine will.” This must be,

1. A humble subjection: Be not wise in thy own eyes. Note, There is not a greater enemy to the power of religion, and the fear of God in the heart, than conceitedness of our own wisdom. Those that have an opinion of their own sufficiency think it below them, and a disparagement to them, to take their measures from, much more to hamper themselves with, religion's rules.
2. A dutiful subjection: Fear the Lord, and depart from evil; take heed of doing any thing to offend him and to forfeit his care. To fear the Lord, so as to depart from evil, is true wisdom and understanding (Job 28:28); those that have it are truly wise, but self-denyingly so, and not wise in their own eyes. For our encouragement thus to live in the fear of God it is here promised that it shall be as serviceable even to the outward man as our necessary food. It will be nourishing: It shall be health to thy navel. It will be strengthening: It shall be marrow to thy bones. The prudence, temperance, and sobriety, the calmness and composure of mind, and the good government of the appetites and passions, which religion teaches, tend very much not only to the health of the soul, but to a good habit of body, which is very desirable, and without which our other enjoyments in this world are insipid. Envy is the rottenness of the bones; the sorrow of the world dries them; but hope and joy in God are marrow to them.